My boyfriend and I�have been fighting a lot lately...it is so frustrating...sometimes I�just donapos;t know.� Fuck.� It just pisses me off so much.� I want so bad to just quit everything and do something I like.� I hate college, I donapos;t like work very much (surprise there) and I am just sick of life.� I want to move out to the country and start up a ranch.� That would be my dream.� I wish I could own a ranch with many horses on it.� It would make me so happy.� But then again, I could switch my major to something with horses, but I donapos;t know if I would get a job then...thatapos;s not good.� If I stick to CSCI then I will be okay though.� I should be able to get a job.� And I like it well enough I sapos;pose.� I just wish it would click with me like it seems to with everybody else...Thatapos;s really frustrating to see other people get it and not me.� I wish I could focus better.� The last few years my mind has become so jumbled and disorganized, itapos;s like a cacophany of thoughts running into each other over and over again.� Iapos;m not happy anymore.� Little things used to make me happy, but now my life just seems to be crap that I have to do.� I donapos;t have time for things I�like to do anymore, or so it seems....� My boyfriend and I�fighting upsets me a lot.� He can be such a douchebag sometimes...I donapos;t know anymore....I really wish I could be happy.� Fuck.� Itapos;s so frustrating.... But this journal is nice to vent things to...maybe thatapos;s all it will be for....my thoughts to release stress...� Another thing I�am stressed about is that I�have been gaining weight and I canapos;t find time to go to the gym anymore so I can get rid of it.� I look disgusting...I mean, I before I got fat I wasnapos;t anything nice to look at, but now I am just nasty looking...I need to lose weight...I wish I could control my eating more...whenever I get bored, I just eat and eat and eat...thatapos;s where the extra weight is coming from...if I could cut that out of my schedule and just eat healthier meals I would be OK...Well, I need to get back to more homework.... Until the next time, Journal.
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